Merry Christmas!!!

Sorry it's a little late. Happy Festivus, too! And Happy Hannukah to our Jewish friends. I'm sure it'd be terribly un-PC of me to admit that I don't actually know anyone who celebrates Kwanzaa, but Happy Kwanzaa anyway! (People who celebrate it must exist somewhere... right?)

Things I Want For Christmas:

A Fresnel lens.

Just read the link. Why would I want anything else?

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Now playing: Old 97's - Timebomb
via FoxyTunes

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

This is where I've been the past month. hahahaha WOOHOO!

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Now playing: Sleater-Kinney - Dig Me Out
via FoxyTunes

Random Link!

"Like the tone of a spoken voice, the characteristics of a typeface convey meaning. The design of the typeface is, in itself, its voice. Often this voice speaks louder than the text itself. Thus when designing a 'Do Not Enter' sign the use of a heavy-stroked, attention-commanding font such as Impact or Arial Black is appropriate. Typesetting such a message in Comic Sans would be ludicrous. Though this is sort of misuse is frequent, it is unjustified. Clearly, Comic Sans as a voice conveys silliness, childish naivete, irreverence, and is far too casual for such a purpose. It is analogous to showing up for a black tie event in a clown costume." (source)

Seen Comic Sans before? I'm sure you have, whether you know it or not. It's possibly one of the most misused (and overused) fonts in the world. Ban Comic Sans is a website entirely devoted to ending the Comic Sans pandemic.

WOO SPINNY

Question: Has a video ever been banned from MTV for something other than being offensive/graphic?
Answer: Yes.

"The promotional video made for this was banned by MTV after being played on 120 Minutes due to its nature, in which the camera zooms in and spins so fast around the band, who are playing in a subway with a harmonica player, that it would induce dizziness within the viewer."
-Wikipedia article on Rattled by the Rush, a single by Pavement

Da Da Da!

This video can be explained, somewhat. But first, just revel in the sheer crappy glory of this video.

And the sun rises in crappy CGI-land. Meanwhile, two meteors, a jet stream, and a ball of interstellar crap approach the earth, promising certain doom...
Or just a drunkenly dancing fire guy, an overeager water guy, a super happy... uh... dust guy, and a rather unenthusiastic... not even trying to identify this one.
Fire Guy is amused by Dust Guy's pointing.
What the hell is Fire Guy doing with his fingers...
Oh wow, Water Guy is totally rocking out.
I love that dancing right there. So awkward. So jerky.
WTF Guy is raisin' da roof.
That's a great idea, Fire Guy. I want to kill this video with fire too.
There is absolutely nothing I can say to make this dance more hilarious than it is. It feels appropriate that it appears to be Fire Guy's creation.
And now we have a fatal-looking ball of... um... colors, which symbolizes... um... I'm going to go with Daler Mehndi's love for the green screen.
I love the sketchy way Fire Guy just appears and puts an arm on Dust Guy's shoulder.
Oh my, look what Water Guy is doing with his hands. I shall dub it the Indian awkward turtle.
Fire Guy is amused once again.
Oh no, this time our favorite Magical Indian Wonder Twins are doing a variation on Dust Guy's favorite pointing dance, rather poorly synced.
I TAKE THAT BACK FROM EARLIER. I LOVE THIS DANCING MORE. Now THAT is Fiddler on the Roof worthy. I am totally busting that out the next time I am on a dance floor.
What the hell is it with Dust Guy and pointing?
And now the Wonder Twins convene enthusiastically in front of a fancy castle. Look at how Dust Guy is kind of bouncing. I'm also very worried that Fire Guy seemed to gesture to something under his velvet robe.
Be careful with that, Water Guy, you might hurt yourself.
I like these individual close-up shots. Oh, that last dance is a new one. Once again, Dust Guy does not disappoint.
Oh no, now Fire Guy is depressed! Luckily for him, his Magical Wonder Twins are determined to cheer him up. I mean, look how perky they all are. He seems unconvinced, but finally relents to their Magical Blinding Wonder Twin Secret Handshake, which restores things to order, as they do their stupid dance in sync once more.
Um, what is going on here, their dancing reminds me of seaweed. That is generally a bad thing to compare someone's dancing to.
It would appear WTF Guy has the power to make... uh... earth waves by banging on stone! I wonder what happens when he falls?
He can open bottomless abysses when he does so, too. This guy had better never trip on his crushed-velvet robe. The others disapprove of the bottomless abyss.
And things return to normal- that is, as normal as That Dancing could ever be.
Sadly, now it is time for the Magical Indian Wonder Twins to return to Magical India-WonderTwinLand. Fire Guy burns up, Water Guy... uh... gets all swirly and disappears, Dirt Guy is beamed up, and finally WTF guy explodes, becoming... okay, I give up.

There. Wasn't that a nice visit? Now I can explain this video. Have no fear, it only makes this more hilarious. This video is by one guy, an Indian pop star named Daler Mehndi, in 1998. It was the first Indian video to use a green screen, which made it wildly popular. So yes, as you secretly suspected, that video is seriously just one guy with a green screen. To add one final level of hilarity? Supposedly, Mehndi made the video in response to critics who claimed he was only popular because of the dancing models featured in his other videos.

Not-As-Popular Slogan: "Freedom Is In Peril"

Not only is this possibly one of the most amazing posters ever, but it has an interesting history too. If it wasn't for a stroke of good luck, this brilliant slogan might have been lost forever. Check it out.

Count how many times they say "aiin."

I am working on another video breakdown, but until I post it, have this. There is absolutely nothing I can say about this video... it speaks for itself. Oh, J-pop. I have always known your videos defy logic, but what the hell is this?

PS- this may help it make marginally more sense.

Random Photo

(source)

Bad Poetry, Oh Noetry

How about some back-to-school poetry? No? How about some back-to-school monorhyme poetry? What's that? You don't know what monorhyme is? It's where the same rhyme scheme is on everything. That's right. Every single line rhymes with every single other line. It's way harder than you'd think. Check it out.

title courtesy of toothpaste for dinner

Random Wiki

Did you know there are some languages that don't distinguish between blue and green?

NSFW, But Amazing

My personal favorite is "It's a pressure valve. It won't open unless there's tremendous pressure." I know most of the audience wouldn't know what a pressure valve does. That's highly specialized knowledge. Google informs me this is from Poseidon, which would not surprise me at all.

PS: If you're ever angry, watch the more NSFW but equally hilarious video The 100 Greatest Movie Insults of All Time.

Where the hell is Riga?

Play this charming little game from Lufthansa about their destinations and you too can see how badly you fail at European geography. (I know what you're thinking. You're a lot worse than you think you are.)

News Flash! *blink*

Well, I have some bad news for the three* of you that read this blog. Tomorrow I start school, which means any posts after this one will be uncertain. I'll probably be able to get in a few here and there still, but don't plan your life around it or anything.

Want a bit of news to make this a bit better? I have come across an alternative name for the Hair Chorus: Mount Rushmore. Is that not amazing?

Also, every time it says 1 Comments down below a post I die a little inside. Not because there are so few comments, of course (I'm used to my blog's pathetic readership), but because it's so damn gramatically incorrect. So do a good deed, spare me the irritation, and comment some more. I'll respond this time!

*I know I'm being a bit optimistic here

(I also know this post title was groan-worthy, and I apologize sincerely)

Things That Make You Feel Like An Idiot

Hand pointers.

By that, I mean sticks with a little pointing hand on the end of them, used to illustrate things on PowerPoint slides and exciting things like that. (They're a little creepy, now that I think about it.)
Sure, while using them they're nifty, but what do you do with them when you're done?

I have had to hold one of these for someone before. The thing is, with a pointer like this, you are always pointing at something or someone, whether you wish to or not. When you see it's pointing at some random person's leg you'll feel like a creep and then aim it at a table. Then you're realize how stupid it must look to be obviously pointing at a table and will casually flick it up to point at the ceiling. Shortly after this it will occur to you how bizarre pointing at the ceiling must look, and, humiliated, you point it at the ground before realizing that's not much better. In a final moment of desperation, you'll point the finger at yourself, before realizing that now you just look like an egotistical bastard. And then you give up and set the pointer down, trying desperately to ignore whatever you are calling attention to now.

No, there is just nothing good you can do with a hand pointer that is not in use.

Random Polaroid

(source)

Geek Prayers

firefly: Time for my prayers:
firefly: Our Father, who 0wnz heaven, j00 r0ck!
firefly: May all 0ur base someday be belong to you!
firefly: May j00 0wn earth just like j00 0wn heaven.
firefly: Give us this day our warez, mp3z, and pr0n through a phat pipe.
firefly: And cut us some slack when we act like n00b lamerz, just as we teach n00bz when they act lame on us.
firefly: Please don't give us root access on some poor d00d'z box when we're too pissed off to think about what's right and wrong, and if you could keep the fbi off our backs, we'd appreciate it.
firefly: For j00 0wn r00t on all our b0x3s 4ever and ever, 4m3n.

-from the magical random button of QDB

My Night = Made

I just found probably the most awesome thing in the history of ever- Java game emulators on the internet for platforms from the eighties and nineties. In other words, old games without having to download anything!!! My personal favorites are Nintendo8, which is where you'll find your old arcade games, and GBemul, which is where an astonishing amount of old GameBoy games can be found, even though for me some of them don't work. If you poke around a bit, though, you can get to Sega Master System games, Commodore 64 games, SNES games, and even DOS games. Prepare to have huge amounts of your time wasted.

I want a light to shine in my eyes

I usually avoid reposting things I find elsewhere, but this video was too amazing to pass up. I got it from BoingBoing. Full-screen is a must. Hold out to the end, it's worth it.

Didn't think I'd want it.

I actually have been doing a lot of non-blog writing lately, so here, have five whole random quotes! It's been way too long since I posted one of those anyway.

"You have to admit I’d make a pretty good Wo Fat. Do you think?"

"Well… it doesn’t have anything living in it."

"I’ll have you guys on standby if he pulls a gun or anything!"

"Oh, it better not have bubonic plague now."

"Now leave me to find my socks in peace."

(the title of this post was chosen by randomly scrolling in the same document until I found a sentence that was suitably short)

AKA this entire blog

blogorrhea- to write a blog entry just for the sake of posting an entry, not because you have done anything interesting today.

Random Song

Please do me a favor and listen to this song if you are able. It is so, so, so nice. I may be a bit biased, since it's off Smoosh's newest album and I am somewhat obsessive about them, but... really, go listen.

In The Fall- Smoosh

The spirit fights to find its way

(source)

Dancin' Dave & The Hair Chorus

My last video breakdown was rather morbid and disturbing. I admit that. So, I'm going to do another breakdown to make up for it. This time my target is not a creepy A-bomb test straight out of The Nuclear Age. This time I'm going more recent, into the eighties, long after the Cold War was dead (although nuclear testing was still going strong). Now a different culture ruled, driven by consumerism and prosperity, and this climate gave birth to... the music video. (After all that build-up, that feels like a really disappointing conclusion.)

So which hapless eighties band is going to be going under the microscope today? Depeche Mode. I'm sure you'll be surprised to learn that I actually like them, and that today's target is my absolute favorite song of theirs. What can I say? I'm an equal opportunity mocker, and this video was just asking for it. Sadly, I can't embed it, so you'll have to watch it yourself.

I like the stuff at the beginning. It fits the song. The reflections are absolutely hypnotizing. (full disclosure: I got three hours of sleep last night.)
I don't think anyone believes they're actually playing those instruments. Part of the reason I love Depeche Mode so much is because they have synthesizers. I don't know if my adoration of synthesizers has ever come up here before, even though maybe people have guessed at it.
Oh, and here is Dave. His sole purpose in the band is to sing. His sole purpose in this video is to dance. He is far better at one than the other. Henceforth, I shall refer to him as Dancin' Dave. His dancing is part heart attack and part violent twitching and jerking, with a dash of Rick Astley.
Here are the rest of the band members! They play the synthesizers. Sometimes they sing too. I want to know what the director was on when he decided that this... this... hair chorus was ever a good idea. I swear they are arranged in descending order by the height of their hair.
Okay, Cameraman, you can stop zooming now. Uh, Cameraman? Hello? Cameraman? Please stop, I don't need to see this much of Martin Gore...
Woah! The good news is, we now have neon. The bad news is, we also have Double Dancin' Dave! Watch the awkward dancing in stereo.
They need to stop superimposing Dancin' Dave over everything. I actually like these scenes in the background, and they fit the song, but I have a hard time watching them because of Dave doing his best Never Gonna Give You Up dance in front of everything. Oh, no, wait, I take that back, he's back to jumping around again. And all this time there are lovely office buildings going by in the background. Do you see what I mean?
I really like that wall.
The hair chorus is back! Martin really looks like he doesn't want to be there. Alan Wilder (guy in the middle) is getting really into it, though. (Fun fact- he's the guy responsible for those amazing bloopy noises in the background of the choruses.)
Dancin' Dave and the Chorus are on the screen at the same time. I don't know if I can handle this.
This bit with the ladder screws with my head. I'm very happy Dave isn't dancin' away over this bit, too. My brain might explode.
I have seen this video many times. I have pondered very deeply over the possible significance of this piece. But I am still utterly befuddled by the people in robes jumping up and down.
Hooray, it's Martin's toy harmonica! I have seen it in action before.
I am less amazed by the random beach than I am by the notable absence of Dancin' Dave. What happened? Oh, no, wait, there they all are. Martin's gravity-defying hair was the first thing I noticed. How he escaped being first in the Hair Chorus, I have no idea.
So you want to do an epic spinning band shot around a statue. Said statue has a square base. The band has four members. What do you do? Put each member of the Hair Chorus on a side and awkwardly stick Dancin' Dave on a corner. Obviously. (Why do I notice this stuff?)
And now they're all sitting in mysterious chairs on the beach. What a nice ending. My brain hurts.

The Leaflets

I just picked this up around the internet, so sadly I can't credit it to anyone. Whoever made it is brilliant, however. It's the most amazing mondegreen I have yet seen. Can you figure out what it's from?

(PS: All my Wikipedia links are secure now because I use this Firefox add-on. You should check it out.)

This Post Is For Sophisticated Upper-Class Educated Individuals

Recently, I read The Great Gatsby. Then I came across this comic. It is perfect for the book. If you have ever read The Great Gatsby, even if it was thirty years ago, go read it. You will be happy, I promise. If you aren't happy, I am terribly sorry, try listening to this song. If that doesn't make you happy, you probably have no soul, and I can't do anything about that.

If you haven't read The Great Gatsby, just hold out for my next post.

Mannequins, H-Bombs, and Radioactive Roast Beef

Remember how I broke down that video of Sedated Shaun not so long ago? That was so much fun, I decided to do it again. But this time, I'm taking down a video of Operation Cue, a nuclear bomb test in Nevada in 1955.

I'm not sure what these Sheeple Files mentioned at the beginning are, but I like them already.
A real-life nuclear detonation broadcast on TV? Damn, TV ain't what it used to be.
I think I might have spotted Pinnochio's cousin. No, really, go back and look at that person wrapped up in white. The hell?
Somehow the presence of a white truck clearly labeled Casualty Control does not make this feel very safe. That implies there will be casualties and they're only there to make sure they don't get too out of hand.
I'm looking for volunteer work right now. Unfortunately, I haven't had the luck to find a chance to observe an H-bomb test from a "trench relatively close to Ground Zero." It's the most exciting way to get cancer around!
I love that the goggles are considered the only protection necessary.
That countdown interspersed with vague shadowy scenes looks straight out of a horror movie.
Listen to that music right after the bomb goes off. It's amazing.
And now for some footage of the Test Objects, as Mrs. Narrator so delicately called them, getting blown to hell.
Keep listening to the background music. It sounds like the Closet Killer Paramount theme in places. I think they put more effort into the soundtrack than the video. I also think whoever wrote this soundtrack was a good bit more frightened of the test than Mrs. Narrator, who remains blithely excited through the whole video.
I saw the video of the house at 2:25 in a documentary about nukes as a small child. It may have scarred me for life.
Oh. My. God. Were mannequins really necessary for this test??? Namely, child mannequins? Those things are creepy enough without a context... Also, because the joke had to be made: That house was so built for a nuclear family.
Yes, wait twenty-four hours to view the wreckage. By that point everything should be through except the radiation, and who cares about that?
The concrete bunker house survived! What a surprise.
Okay, new Mr. Narrator, I know you're happy your improvements did something, but I don't think more structural integrity is going to help when there's no roof and nothing left inside the house.
How are we supposed to tell that blast shelters cannot be relied on from that shot? It looks like their mannequin test subjects are doing just fine. Then again, mannequins usually look like they're doing just fine.
Hooray for reinforced bathrooms! If the apocalypse comes while you're on the john, you should be just fine.
Awkward handshake sighted.
Who cares about everything else- if we get bombed tomorrow, the consumer-sized tanks of petroleum should be intact! Civilization shall live on!
I like how this video assumes that if the Reds push the button, the first order of business in the US will be to make sure the oil is okay, the electricity is on, and the radio is broadcasting. They had fallout shelters for the government, after all, so everyone important would be okay.
"Do you remember this young lady?" I don't think I want to.
I really do not think what the blast did to the mannequin's clothes should be a priority.
His new dark suit is charred? I think he looks a bit charred himself.
Mmmm, potentially irradiated roast beef. Nice to know that after the nuclear holocaust, we'll at least have delicious food.
Thanks for reminding us it's a test. I would have thought some random houses in the middle of the desert filled with mannequins would be an ideal target for the Soviets.
"Multimegaton weapons would result in much greater damage over a larger area." NO SHIT
Let me amend that last sentence: "...as we plan for the survival of our homes, our families, our mannequins, our radio stations, our electricity, our oil supply, our delicious roast beef, and our nation in... The Nuclear Age."

Is there anything you'd like to share with us, Batman?

(source)

There's a lot more twistedness where this came from over at Comically Vintage. Check it out.

shit, I did it again!

Do you enjoy tenderizing the plant?

Need to describe a certain, um, act? Want to describe it in a way that is so original and vague that it makes whatever, um, act you are referring to sound a million times dirtier than it actually is? Try The Always Amusing Euphemism Generator! Here is a sample result for you: "You give me five hundred dollars, I give you the negatives, and no one has to know you were pillaging the royal porcupine." Now you try it!

I really need to stop making my post titles rhetorical questions.

Why I Hate My Cell Phone Camera

1. Point camera at object. Move and tilt camera until object is mostly in frame.

2. Attempt to get camera to focus.

3. Once camera is in perfect focus, mash down on camera button and hope it will take a picture.

4. Camera either slips out of focus just as picture is taken or goes into video mode. If the latter happens, fumble to get the camera back into picture mode and repeat process.

5. (optional) If the resulting picture is intolerably blurry, you may delete it and try again; just keep in mind this increases the chance the next picture will be blurrier than the first by 70%.

6. Once the picture is finally taken, discover that how you tilted the camera to get the object in the frame resulted in the picture being upside down in a way that no amount of gyroscope-tilting will fix.

Bag Your Face!

1. I love that this seems more like a nature documentary than anything else.
2. I know most of these girls have about three brain cells, but you have to admit that imitating that like whole valleygirl way of, like, talking is like sooo much fun, y'know? I am sure.

Random FAQs

So, do you actually read all the blogs in your blogroll?
Naaaaaah. Contrary to popular belief, I actually have a life sometimes.

Which ones do you read?
That's a trade secret, buddy.

If you don't read them, then why are they here?
Because I like having a huge, impressive, slightly annoying blogroll. I also use that list as something of a backup for my bookmarks. If I like a blog, it goes there, whether I actually check it or not.

And your other link list, what's up with that?
That is for sites that I like that are not blogs. They only go there if I know the sites themselves will probably never be posted, the exception being New England Ruins.

Your color scheme is really fucking annoying, will you ever change it? I hear Blogger has a fancy new template editor you can use to look all Web 2.0.
NEVAR! The Avant Garden is going to remain neon for a very, very long time. I don't care about being Web 2.0, isn't that so last year anyway? One day in the distant, vague future I may redesign, but you can rest easy- the redesign will be no less "fucking annoying."

What about your playlist, do you listen to everything there or is that just to be impressive too?
How dare you suggest such things? Of course I listen to everything on that playlist. That is where songs I really like go. Insult the wrong one and I may virtually behead you.

I went through all your interesting internet locales. What the hell is wrong with you?
Teehee.

Say it with me: Imperturbability

What suggestions of imperturbability and being, as against the human trait of mere seeming. Then the qualities, almost emotional, palpably artistic, heroic, of a tree; so innocent and harmless, yet so savage. It is, yet says nothing.

-Page 139

Come on, read a little Walt Whitman. It'll make you more cultured. And he writes prose almost exactly like he writes poetry. If you look hard enough you might find some descriptions of New York and Boston in 1887 when this was published, as well as some discourses the Civil War, a few men dying, and a lot of talking about nature.

PS: Pages 313-320. Don't ask questions, just go see.

Oh, C'mon, He's Just Perky

And now, a random quote from my NaNoWriMo project:

“I had… coffee. Lots of coffee. Coffee is good,” he said abruptly.

Random Song!

This song is absolutely hilarious, and whoever played Barbie did an amazing job. However, this version has the band wrong. Who actually made this cover is a source of epic debate on YouTube. I think most of the evidence points to Home Grown, myself, but a lot of versions attribute it to MxPx (like here) or even Good Charlotte. This was the best quality version I found on YouTube, though. Try to ignore the shitty video. Enjoy!

293-7663

With PhoNETic, you can find out the exciting possibilities your phone number (or your friend's, or your mom's, or the one from that annoying infomercial) hides. For example, why be 123-4567 when you can be 12-films? Or why be 1-627-826-3789 (a number from a song) when you can be 1-oar-tamer-89 or 1-map-VA-nervy? There is endless fun to be had here!

It's more irritating than the colors of my blog!

Do you use Firefox? Do you have the Personas add-on? Do you think you spend too much time surfing the web? A cure has finally arrived.

Through modern technology, a Persona has been developed that is so bright, so frantic, so annoying, that you will only be concerned with making it go away as quickly as possible. You'll be amazed by how easy it is to quit surfing once it's installed.

Side effects may include headaches, irritability, eye strain, excessive cursing, and an aversion to bright colors. Not recommended for those with epilepsy.

Here it is... The Miracle Cure!

And Everybody Knows One

Swans sing before they die-- t'were no bad thing
did certain persons die before they sing.

-Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Random Photo

(source)

I Write Like... The Ramones?

Ever wish there was a nice, easy way you could analyze how someone writes? Yeah, me neither. However, someone out there has taken it upon themselves to create an algorithm based on a spam filter (alarm bells are going off already) to tell, from only a few blocks of your writing, which famous author you are most similar to in style! Awesome, huh? Well... we'll see about that.

I started out by feeding I Write Like some chunks of my own writing from various points of view, because I am an egoist. Comparisons to David Foster Wallace met every piece of what I wrote for NaNoWriMo. As I started to think this might not be so horrible, I tried some paragraphs from a completely different short story of mine. Two separate parts from this same piece resulted in Isaac Asimov and Stephen King. What?

At this point I decided to have some fun with song lyrics. My favorite piece of an utterly twisted punk song resulted in Kurt Vonnegut, which I found appropriate. But what about something less obvious? The lyrics of Baba O'Riley were attributed to Margaret Atwood. I can't decide whether this is more of a compliment to the song or an insult to Mrs. Atwood. My Humps was compared to Mark Twain. (Mr. Twain, I would like to personally say that I am so, so sorry.) The lyrics to the blogosphere's favorite Insane Clown Posse song, Miracles, were given to William Gibson. A quick search reveals that he is considered the founder of the cyberpunk movement, and is probably not a believer in "pure motherfucking magic."

But no more messing around! It was time for me to pull out the big guns, lyric-wise: The Ramones. I put in I Wanna Be Sedated, careful to include every last repetition, and got... Stephen King. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. This certainly obliterated any feeling of being complimented that getting Stephen King earlier for my own writing gave me.

One final fun fact: This post was allegedly written in the style of Cory Doctorow. I wish.

So Many Attractions...

Breaking News! A tourism press release from Massachusetts reveals that there are, in fact, not 1,000 places worth seeing in the state. There are 996- and some of them no longer exist. Well, I know where I'm going for a day trip this weekend!

Time to put ze ear goggles on!

Burning Question of the Day

What would happen if you put a lightbulb inside a mirrored sphere? The light would have nowhere to go, wouldn't it? What would that look like?

Thank God we have crazy people on the internet to test these things out for us.

Dr. Evil Eyes kills his wife!

I am going to spotlight another new addition to my blogroll again, because I know that thing is huge and likely nobody will ever trek through every one of the marvels it contains. This tumblr was practically made for people like me. It has nostalgic pictures, great retro graphics, and little bits of twistedness- what more could you want?

(Don't believe me about the little bits of twistedness? The title of this post was taken from my personal favorite snip from the site.)

Need to get to Nirvana? (It's not that hard.)

I'm sorry about the dearth of posting lately- I've been taking a summer class. How studious of me. However, tonight I realized that was no excuse to be slacking off on posts, considering that I can write one in 5 minutes. I promise I'll be more reliable from now on.

This amazing picture is probably the most fun visualization of music I've seen, even if I think some of the classifications are a little iffy. Just click on it for the supermegahuge version, and feel free to spend the next 10 minutes tracing the route from X band you like to Y band you like. (What? It's what I did.)

Bothered By Street Art?

Maddened by graffiti? Enraged by stickers? Put off by posters? Saddened by stencils? Here's your solution:
(source)

Where Can I Sleep Tonight?

This gallery is such a win in so many ways. For one thing, it's about the blossoming underground music scene in Beijing, which is an interesting enough topic on its own. But it also has some amazing portraits of the people involved in these bands, and songs by a few choice bands. It's amazing how many of them sing in English. The songs are good, too. My favorites are the first two, "Cat" and "Beijing Is Not My Home." (That one also has a kick-ass bassline.)

yes, this was intended to be put up yesterday. my apologies.

Wishful Thinking in Zürich

From the website of the Hotel Opera in Zürich:
(source)
I think this speaks for itself.

America is Grand!

Happy Fourth of July to everyone in America! This picture is a negative of the US flag. Stare at that little dot in the middle (no, that isn't something with your screen like I thought it was) for a while and you'll have an afterimage of the Stars and Stripes in front of everything you look at. That's very patriotic, isn't it?

In recent All-American news, Lady Gaga has now surpassed President Obama in Facebook fans. Happy birthday, America!

In honor of the Fourth, I am going to be posting some exciting things that are not American. (What? This is the Avant Garden. Nothing makes sense.)

Step aside noobs!

Today's random video is for the geeks among us. Enjoy!

Doodlemania

Would you like to see every Google doodle ever made for every country Google runs in?

Come on, like that thought doesn't make you tingle with excitement.

Here. Have fun!

Holy Heart-Shaped Granny Glasses!

And now, a remarkably low-budget 90s pop-punk video.

MTX specializes in stupid, funny love songs like this one. I love them.

Random Links!

A Note: These both feature abandonment heavily, so if you are disturbed by abandoned buildings, objects that have been left behind, hospitals, rust, mold, mildew, rot, dust, disintegration, floors with holes in them, peeling paint, windowless rooms, fallen ceilings, tunnels, broken glass, wet pieces of paper, Ypsilanti, the words "for morgue use only," darkness, or polka dots I would advise you to just wait for my next post.

Dead Rollers
Studies of Mimicry and Camouflage (unfinished)

The Amen Break

This is a video about a 6-second drum break that changed music. The narrator's voice is possibly the most boring thing I have ever heard ever, but the content is fascinating, and I have faith in my readers to at least make it to the halfway mark. (Seeing as all my readers are figments of my imagination, I'd even expect a few to make it all the way through the discussion of copyright law.)

I've Accomplished Something!

Last night, I set about the mammoth task of fixing my blogroll and other links. They have been Expanded and Updated. Dead links have been removed, things without RSS feeds have been moved from the blogroll to other links, and blogs that were randomly living in other links have rejoined their blog friends. You should look at it. *stares meaningfully*

Also, why did nobody tell me I misspelled contribution in the title of my blogroll? I'm sure it was like that for a while. Oh. Right. It was because nobody saw it in the first place. Sigh. Well, rest assured that everything is spelled correctly now.

But anyway. The reason I am writing this post is because I want to spotlight one of the new blogs I added. It is Ghost Radar, and it is the essence of random photo. All it consists of is a title and a series of intriguing pictures. No backgrounds. No sources. No writeups. Absolutely nothing else. It's mesmerizing. Also, it's a project of Dan Meth, who has a pretty awesome blog himself.

...but they LIED.

I have recently discovered a new series of anti-drug PSAs. They're from drugfreeworld.org and they all follow the same formula:
1. Kid says "They said taking *insert drug here* would make me *insert adjective here*."
2. Puzzling video montage showing bad things happening to Kid
3. Kid voiceover going "They lied!"
Now, this in itself is just a recipe for cheesiness. To my surprise, a few of them were actually pretty well done. A few. The rest are varying degrees of wtf-inducing bad. I picked out the three worst to share with you.

In third place, we have Bad Trip, or Why E Is Scary:

My main issue with this one is that there is absolutely no reason offered as to why E is bad. It only appears to make you scared or tired or something (I still can't figure out to save my life what the hell is going on in this video) and gives you confusing hallucinations with funky Europop background music. The only actual message offered is that it isn't fun.
Also, I really love the way this girl says "they lied." Go on, just go listen to it again.

In second place we have Sedated Shaun, or Why Painkillers Make You Creepy:

Okay. I have a lot of issues with this video. I'll just go through them in the order they appear here.
Even if you're Abusing painkillers the way this video is talking about, you don't usually take pills in giant handfuls the way this kid does. I mean, holy crap. Also, is it even possible to pop that many without water?
Depressing music FTW.
How the hell does this kid get from place to place, teleporting? I mean, it's implied that he's too sedated to walk or even talk.
For someone that heavily medicated, he plays damn good piano. The rest of the commercial makes you expect him to just faceplant on the keys.
Is it just me, or is the scene with him in front of the curtains really freaking creepy?
Holy soap-opera acting, batman!
I like how when he OD's he conveniently has a whole empty bottle of pills right next to him, even though previously he never took any out of the bathroom. They are leaving nothing to assumption here.
And finally- WHY IS HE RANDOMLY STANDING IN A POOL FULLY CLOTHED? After OD'ing, no less! Why? Why????

And, in first place! The winner is Infinite Insanity, or Why Acid Is... Fun?

I. Love. This. Clip. Is it just me, or does it make acid look really fun? Why couldn't they have broken out the fancy Confusing Hallucination Effects on this PSA instead of the E one? It would actually make sense here.
Note the amount of times he appears wearing stereotypical hippie gear. Fail, drugfreeworld.org, epic fail.
And finally- the rambling. That alone was enough to get this video first place. I LOVE the rambling. If you don't have the patience to keep watching it until you get it all, allow me to take it down-
"There's a separate universe inside each and every one of us. You kill 'em. We're not gonna kill 'em. Reality is the prison of the mind, and when we die, black holes of our mind open up, and we're forced through the gates to infinite insanity."
Yeaaaah, man. Is it really only acid that can make you have this kind of deep funky thoughts? I thought pretty much any type of psychoactive drug would. Either way, it's great.

The Radium Water Worked Fine Until His Jaw Came Off

Radioactive Quackery

Good morning, campers :)

Well, it's midnight and I'm writing one last blog post for my devoted imaginary followers. Thank you so much for staying with me through The First Annual Avant Garden Power Hour. This has done me a great service, too- it has convinced me that I am really capable of producing a half-decent post in under 10 minutes. I no longer have any excuse for not posting things with relative frequency this summer. So if I do so, you now have complete permission to come after me with virtual pitchforks.

I will leave you with one of my favorite sites on the entire internet- Spamusement! For almost four years, one guy took intriguing spam subject lines and made them into cartoons of questionable artistic merit. The results are hilariously absurd, and they are never predictable. They are what I think of when I need to smile for photos. Yes, they are just that awesome.

A Dose of Cute

It is a well-known fact that as the owner of this blog, I have magical admin powers. One of these is the power to know exactly what the renegade readers of this blog want.* Right now, I am sensing that the readers of this blog really want something cute to cleanse their minds after the slightly creepy things I have posted previously.

So it is that I magnanimously deliver this:

It's not just cute, it's Korean. Not that that has anything to do with anything. But it is. Really. Please don't ask me what it's about, I really don't have any idea. I think it's about the Entoi website where these cartoons are from. But it could also possibly be about how much Entoi sucks. I only know one word in Korean, and that is milk, which does not help me with this at all.

Entoi cartoons are probably the cutest things I have ever found on youtube. Yes, I said cartoons, plural. There are more! Not that many, but I know of three other songs featuring these adorable little, uh, leaf people. I may put them up at a later date, but if you really can't wait, go hunt them down yourself.

*powers may be slightly exaggerated

Interesting Topic of the Power Hour: Circuit Bending

What is circuit bending? Well, having never actually done it or even attempted to I won't pretend to be an expert. But to distill it to its most basic level, circuit bending is the fine art of taking electronic things (old children's toys mostly), opening them up, connecting things that should not be connected, and seeing what happens.

Toy instruments always have really cool results:

I could totally rock out with this thing. (hey, it matches my blog!)

But don't count out other types of kid's toys that make noise. Any sort of toddler toy that makes loud annoying noises can be circuit bent, usually producing noises that are even more ungodly-sounding. But somehow, since they aren't supposed to be making those noises, it's still pretty awesome.


Want more? There's tons of this stuff on youtube- from toy pianos to toy phones to Furbys (which I have not been brave enough to actually watch yet). Check it out!

BIOLOGY FAIL

(source)
This amazing fail was found in a children's ward at Rosewood Center, a former insane asylum in Maryland. It never fails to make me laugh. I don't think I can sum it up any better than the photographer's caption- "That is not how cats work."

If you have time, check out the rest of the set from Rosewood- it's huge, but there's some amazing stuff in it, and the photographer has a great eye for weird little things left behind like Momcat.

Don't you just love the internet?

Here's an important rule of the internet: Never, ever, ever assume that you have seen it all.

Want some proof of this? How about this weirdly awesome death-metal remix of Dancing Queen? With the addition of some screaming, some badass guitar, and double-bass drumming, the ABBA hit becomes a somewhat terrifying tale of a girl who loves dancing... maybe a little too much...

Yours Sincerely, The Management

Hey, you! Yes, you. All three of you that actually read this blog! (Yes, I know I'm being optimistic.) I've got good news for you!

It is June 20th. The nights are long and buggy. The days are sunny and thunderstormy and sticky. It is officially summer. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS???

THE AVANT GARDEN LIVES ONCE AGAIN!

ARISE, MY MINION! ARISE! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

Okay. So maybe I got a little carried away. But make no mistake about it- the Avant Garden is back, and it will be until school starts up again for me.

In honor of this exciting occasion, I am hereby commencing a Posting Power Hour. From 11:00 PM my time (EST) to midnight my time, I will be throwing up as much weird shit as my faculties and internet connection will allow.

Welcome back to the world of weird.

Six Whole Minutes of Stuff

As videos go, it doesn't get much more random than this. Six minutes of things- weird things and ordinary things- happening for some unknown reason. It's actually strangely cool.

I Never Liked Country

But I must admit- these guys may have just changed my mind. They're country, all right, but jangly, folksy, psychedelic garage-country. Does it get much better?

The Eye of Argon

This is just amazing. Jim Theis, the author of this masterwork, has the most amazing talent for writing cringe-worthy, innuendo-laced dialogue and vague, ambiguous prose, all shot through with confounding tense changes and inappropriate word usage. But best of all are his detailed descriptions. I dare you to take them literally. If you can find one that doesn't leave you seeing the world of Norgolia looking like the painting of an insane, aspiring Picasso, you have far more talent than I.

But the biggest challenge of all, which is a tradition that has long been treasured at sci-fi conventions: Read the whole thing aloud without bursting into laughter.

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Now playing: The Shins - Know Your Onion!
via FoxyTunes