Saturday, February 12, 2011

Wikipedia Flotsam

One of Banacek's verbal signatures was the quotation of strangely worded yet curiously cogent "Polish" proverbs such as: "If you're not sure that it's potato borscht, there could be children working in the mines"; "Though the hippopotamus has no sting, the wise man would prefer to be sat upon by the bee"; "A wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn"; "If a wolf is after your sleigh - throw him a raisin cookie, but don't stop to bake him a cake"; and "Just because the cat has her kittens in the oven doesn't make them biscuits."
-from the article on Banacek, a 70s detective TV show set in Boston

Sunday, February 06, 2011

The Holy Grail of Band Names

I have found the best source for band names ever, I think. It is this Wikipedia article. Seriously. Crayola has some unsung geniuses working for them, I think. Allow me to present you with some epic band names for your consideration in your rock star fantasies, and the kind of band I happen to think they'd fit.

Alien Armpit- That teenage garage band next door that plays loudly all day long during the summer.
Atomic Tangerine- The best fucking band in the WORLD.
AuroMetalSaurus- This has to be the best name for a techno/industrial band I have ever heard in the history of ever.
Banana Mania- Poppy little band that wishes it was still the eighties.
Big Dip O' Ruby- A band no one in their right mind would ever listen to.
Bittersweet Shimmer- A spacey dream pop band with unintelligible lyrics that may or may not be in Finnish. Uses fog machines heavily at their concerts.
Black Shadows- A metal band that might be Christian, or might be Satanists. No one can tell.
Brink Pink- This band is very catchy and was a critical darling until college radio played their big single to death.
Cool And Crazy- One of those annoying one-man acts who gave himself a band name anyway. Huge on YouTube.
Cyber Grape- The next big 8-bit dance music sensation.
Deep Space Sparkle- Legendary, enigmatic indie band that seemingly evaporates between albums, coalesces occasionally for jam-packed shows in NYC.
Electric Lime- Frequently atonal solo project of the singer of Laser Lemon.
Fuzzy Wuzzy- An experimental, highly artsy band that deeply resents anyone who dares to confuse them with Warm And Fuzzy. (Also, this is a weird shade of red-brown. What the hell, Crayola?)
Ghoulish Graham Cracker- A band that consists entirely of total nerds. Writes pretty cool songs, but gained most of their fan base from a painfully awkward, hilarious interview with a music magazine.
Illuminating Emerald- A dramatic band that people who try to look dark, goth, poetic, or otherwise disturbed listen to.
Jazzberry Jam- A free-form prog-rock jam band with a vibraphone player.
Key Lime Pearl- If it wasn't for Pandora, no one would know this band existed. First album: Cultured Pie.
Laser Lemon- A British synthpop duo that frequently tours with Atomic Tangerine.
Magic Mint- A rising stoner rock band that always plays dressed in green tracksuits.
Mauvelous- The kind of bizarre band hipsters live for. May actually suck, but no one wants to say it.
Mixed Veggies- Despite being one of the most disgusting, vomit-like color combos Crayola ever made, this would make a pretty sweet name for a band with a good sense of humor.
Neon Carrot- A ska band, unusual for their use of synthesizers and their lyrics, which typically deal with how much they hate various subcultures. Alternatively, a Pavement cover band.
Radical Red- A wannabe punk band that is trying a little too hard to be, um, radical.
Razzmatazz- A pop punk band with ridiculously over-the-top stage costumes. Alternatively, a Pulp cover band.
Robin's Egg Blue- A girl with a piano and a drummer who writes songs that are ethereally pretty as long as no one bothers to look up the lyrics...
Rotten Tooth Fairy- An angry, not particularly intelligent but greatly amusing all-girl punk band.
Screamin' Green- One insane guy with a drumset who is astoundingly well-liked by the music critics. Alternatively, a Screaming Trees cover band.
Smashed Pumpkin- Do I even need to say it? I have to give a nod to the folks over at Crayola for throwing this band reference most kids would never understand into their scented crayons.
Spiro Disco Ball- An indie band from Florida whose most popular songs make fun of TV shows.
Spring Frost- A very pretty acoustic folky act. Currently recording their next album in a shack north of the Arctic circle in Alaska.
Stonewashed- These poor guys never got the memo that Nickelback isn't cool anymore.
Sunburnt Cyclops- Indie rock outfit famed for their completely impenetrable lyrics, which some people think are deeply profound.
Sunglow- Surf rock revival. Their drummer is in five other bands, so they go on hiatus a lot.
Unmellow Yellow- A grungy band that's been around for years but still hasn't been "discovered."
Warm And Fuzzy- A hardcore thrash metal band that sacrifices stuffed animals at their concerts.
Wild Blue Yonder- A band that can't decide whether they should avoid country-like songs or not. The confusion is getting the better of them. A fan campaign to keep them from breaking up is in full force.
Wintergreen Dream- An obscure little band that writes absurdly happy songs and claps a lot.
Zombie Laundry- Everyone cool agrees this is the best band ever, even if you can only get their songs from MySpace.

Now playing: Dogs Die In Hot Cars - I Love You 'Cause I Have To
via FoxyTunes


Watch this. Just watch it. I don't even need to break it down; the commenters already did that for me. You'll need to watch it a few times through to catch all the notes, but it is SO worth it. There are not many things that have actually made me cry laughing. This is one of them. Presenting: Indestructible Magical Quality Van, Annotated.