Bag Your Face!

1. I love that this seems more like a nature documentary than anything else.
2. I know most of these girls have about three brain cells, but you have to admit that imitating that like whole valleygirl way of, like, talking is like sooo much fun, y'know? I am sure.

Random FAQs

So, do you actually read all the blogs in your blogroll?
Naaaaaah. Contrary to popular belief, I actually have a life sometimes.

Which ones do you read?
That's a trade secret, buddy.

If you don't read them, then why are they here?
Because I like having a huge, impressive, slightly annoying blogroll. I also use that list as something of a backup for my bookmarks. If I like a blog, it goes there, whether I actually check it or not.

And your other link list, what's up with that?
That is for sites that I like that are not blogs. They only go there if I know the sites themselves will probably never be posted, the exception being New England Ruins.

Your color scheme is really fucking annoying, will you ever change it? I hear Blogger has a fancy new template editor you can use to look all Web 2.0.
NEVAR! The Avant Garden is going to remain neon for a very, very long time. I don't care about being Web 2.0, isn't that so last year anyway? One day in the distant, vague future I may redesign, but you can rest easy- the redesign will be no less "fucking annoying."

What about your playlist, do you listen to everything there or is that just to be impressive too?
How dare you suggest such things? Of course I listen to everything on that playlist. That is where songs I really like go. Insult the wrong one and I may virtually behead you.

I went through all your interesting internet locales. What the hell is wrong with you?
Teehee.

Say it with me: Imperturbability

What suggestions of imperturbability and being, as against the human trait of mere seeming. Then the qualities, almost emotional, palpably artistic, heroic, of a tree; so innocent and harmless, yet so savage. It is, yet says nothing.

-Page 139

Come on, read a little Walt Whitman. It'll make you more cultured. And he writes prose almost exactly like he writes poetry. If you look hard enough you might find some descriptions of New York and Boston in 1887 when this was published, as well as some discourses the Civil War, a few men dying, and a lot of talking about nature.

PS: Pages 313-320. Don't ask questions, just go see.

Oh, C'mon, He's Just Perky

And now, a random quote from my NaNoWriMo project:

“I had… coffee. Lots of coffee. Coffee is good,” he said abruptly.

Random Song!

This song is absolutely hilarious, and whoever played Barbie did an amazing job. However, this version has the band wrong. Who actually made this cover is a source of epic debate on YouTube. I think most of the evidence points to Home Grown, myself, but a lot of versions attribute it to MxPx (like here) or even Good Charlotte. This was the best quality version I found on YouTube, though. Try to ignore the shitty video. Enjoy!

293-7663

With PhoNETic, you can find out the exciting possibilities your phone number (or your friend's, or your mom's, or the one from that annoying infomercial) hides. For example, why be 123-4567 when you can be 12-films? Or why be 1-627-826-3789 (a number from a song) when you can be 1-oar-tamer-89 or 1-map-VA-nervy? There is endless fun to be had here!

It's more irritating than the colors of my blog!

Do you use Firefox? Do you have the Personas add-on? Do you think you spend too much time surfing the web? A cure has finally arrived.

Through modern technology, a Persona has been developed that is so bright, so frantic, so annoying, that you will only be concerned with making it go away as quickly as possible. You'll be amazed by how easy it is to quit surfing once it's installed.

Side effects may include headaches, irritability, eye strain, excessive cursing, and an aversion to bright colors. Not recommended for those with epilepsy.

Here it is... The Miracle Cure!

And Everybody Knows One

Swans sing before they die-- t'were no bad thing
did certain persons die before they sing.

-Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Random Photo

(source)

I Write Like... The Ramones?

Ever wish there was a nice, easy way you could analyze how someone writes? Yeah, me neither. However, someone out there has taken it upon themselves to create an algorithm based on a spam filter (alarm bells are going off already) to tell, from only a few blocks of your writing, which famous author you are most similar to in style! Awesome, huh? Well... we'll see about that.

I started out by feeding I Write Like some chunks of my own writing from various points of view, because I am an egoist. Comparisons to David Foster Wallace met every piece of what I wrote for NaNoWriMo. As I started to think this might not be so horrible, I tried some paragraphs from a completely different short story of mine. Two separate parts from this same piece resulted in Isaac Asimov and Stephen King. What?

At this point I decided to have some fun with song lyrics. My favorite piece of an utterly twisted punk song resulted in Kurt Vonnegut, which I found appropriate. But what about something less obvious? The lyrics of Baba O'Riley were attributed to Margaret Atwood. I can't decide whether this is more of a compliment to the song or an insult to Mrs. Atwood. My Humps was compared to Mark Twain. (Mr. Twain, I would like to personally say that I am so, so sorry.) The lyrics to the blogosphere's favorite Insane Clown Posse song, Miracles, were given to William Gibson. A quick search reveals that he is considered the founder of the cyberpunk movement, and is probably not a believer in "pure motherfucking magic."

But no more messing around! It was time for me to pull out the big guns, lyric-wise: The Ramones. I put in I Wanna Be Sedated, careful to include every last repetition, and got... Stephen King. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. This certainly obliterated any feeling of being complimented that getting Stephen King earlier for my own writing gave me.

One final fun fact: This post was allegedly written in the style of Cory Doctorow. I wish.

So Many Attractions...

Breaking News! A tourism press release from Massachusetts reveals that there are, in fact, not 1,000 places worth seeing in the state. There are 996- and some of them no longer exist. Well, I know where I'm going for a day trip this weekend!

Time to put ze ear goggles on!

Burning Question of the Day

What would happen if you put a lightbulb inside a mirrored sphere? The light would have nowhere to go, wouldn't it? What would that look like?

Thank God we have crazy people on the internet to test these things out for us.

Dr. Evil Eyes kills his wife!

I am going to spotlight another new addition to my blogroll again, because I know that thing is huge and likely nobody will ever trek through every one of the marvels it contains. This tumblr was practically made for people like me. It has nostalgic pictures, great retro graphics, and little bits of twistedness- what more could you want?

(Don't believe me about the little bits of twistedness? The title of this post was taken from my personal favorite snip from the site.)

Need to get to Nirvana? (It's not that hard.)

I'm sorry about the dearth of posting lately- I've been taking a summer class. How studious of me. However, tonight I realized that was no excuse to be slacking off on posts, considering that I can write one in 5 minutes. I promise I'll be more reliable from now on.

This amazing picture is probably the most fun visualization of music I've seen, even if I think some of the classifications are a little iffy. Just click on it for the supermegahuge version, and feel free to spend the next 10 minutes tracing the route from X band you like to Y band you like. (What? It's what I did.)

Bothered By Street Art?

Maddened by graffiti? Enraged by stickers? Put off by posters? Saddened by stencils? Here's your solution:
(source)

Where Can I Sleep Tonight?

This gallery is such a win in so many ways. For one thing, it's about the blossoming underground music scene in Beijing, which is an interesting enough topic on its own. But it also has some amazing portraits of the people involved in these bands, and songs by a few choice bands. It's amazing how many of them sing in English. The songs are good, too. My favorites are the first two, "Cat" and "Beijing Is Not My Home." (That one also has a kick-ass bassline.)

yes, this was intended to be put up yesterday. my apologies.

Wishful Thinking in Zürich

From the website of the Hotel Opera in Zürich:
(source)
I think this speaks for itself.

America is Grand!

Happy Fourth of July to everyone in America! This picture is a negative of the US flag. Stare at that little dot in the middle (no, that isn't something with your screen like I thought it was) for a while and you'll have an afterimage of the Stars and Stripes in front of everything you look at. That's very patriotic, isn't it?

In recent All-American news, Lady Gaga has now surpassed President Obama in Facebook fans. Happy birthday, America!

In honor of the Fourth, I am going to be posting some exciting things that are not American. (What? This is the Avant Garden. Nothing makes sense.)

Step aside noobs!

Today's random video is for the geeks among us. Enjoy!