Da Da Da!

This video can be explained, somewhat. But first, just revel in the sheer crappy glory of this video.

And the sun rises in crappy CGI-land. Meanwhile, two meteors, a jet stream, and a ball of interstellar crap approach the earth, promising certain doom...
Or just a drunkenly dancing fire guy, an overeager water guy, a super happy... uh... dust guy, and a rather unenthusiastic... not even trying to identify this one.
Fire Guy is amused by Dust Guy's pointing.
What the hell is Fire Guy doing with his fingers...
Oh wow, Water Guy is totally rocking out.
I love that dancing right there. So awkward. So jerky.
WTF Guy is raisin' da roof.
That's a great idea, Fire Guy. I want to kill this video with fire too.
There is absolutely nothing I can say to make this dance more hilarious than it is. It feels appropriate that it appears to be Fire Guy's creation.
And now we have a fatal-looking ball of... um... colors, which symbolizes... um... I'm going to go with Daler Mehndi's love for the green screen.
I love the sketchy way Fire Guy just appears and puts an arm on Dust Guy's shoulder.
Oh my, look what Water Guy is doing with his hands. I shall dub it the Indian awkward turtle.
Fire Guy is amused once again.
Oh no, this time our favorite Magical Indian Wonder Twins are doing a variation on Dust Guy's favorite pointing dance, rather poorly synced.
I TAKE THAT BACK FROM EARLIER. I LOVE THIS DANCING MORE. Now THAT is Fiddler on the Roof worthy. I am totally busting that out the next time I am on a dance floor.
What the hell is it with Dust Guy and pointing?
And now the Wonder Twins convene enthusiastically in front of a fancy castle. Look at how Dust Guy is kind of bouncing. I'm also very worried that Fire Guy seemed to gesture to something under his velvet robe.
Be careful with that, Water Guy, you might hurt yourself.
I like these individual close-up shots. Oh, that last dance is a new one. Once again, Dust Guy does not disappoint.
Oh no, now Fire Guy is depressed! Luckily for him, his Magical Wonder Twins are determined to cheer him up. I mean, look how perky they all are. He seems unconvinced, but finally relents to their Magical Blinding Wonder Twin Secret Handshake, which restores things to order, as they do their stupid dance in sync once more.
Um, what is going on here, their dancing reminds me of seaweed. That is generally a bad thing to compare someone's dancing to.
It would appear WTF Guy has the power to make... uh... earth waves by banging on stone! I wonder what happens when he falls?
He can open bottomless abysses when he does so, too. This guy had better never trip on his crushed-velvet robe. The others disapprove of the bottomless abyss.
And things return to normal- that is, as normal as That Dancing could ever be.
Sadly, now it is time for the Magical Indian Wonder Twins to return to Magical India-WonderTwinLand. Fire Guy burns up, Water Guy... uh... gets all swirly and disappears, Dirt Guy is beamed up, and finally WTF guy explodes, becoming... okay, I give up.

There. Wasn't that a nice visit? Now I can explain this video. Have no fear, it only makes this more hilarious. This video is by one guy, an Indian pop star named Daler Mehndi, in 1998. It was the first Indian video to use a green screen, which made it wildly popular. So yes, as you secretly suspected, that video is seriously just one guy with a green screen. To add one final level of hilarity? Supposedly, Mehndi made the video in response to critics who claimed he was only popular because of the dancing models featured in his other videos.

Not-As-Popular Slogan: "Freedom Is In Peril"

Not only is this possibly one of the most amazing posters ever, but it has an interesting history too. If it wasn't for a stroke of good luck, this brilliant slogan might have been lost forever. Check it out.

Count how many times they say "aiin."

I am working on another video breakdown, but until I post it, have this. There is absolutely nothing I can say about this video... it speaks for itself. Oh, J-pop. I have always known your videos defy logic, but what the hell is this?

PS- this may help it make marginally more sense.

Random Photo

(source)

Bad Poetry, Oh Noetry

How about some back-to-school poetry? No? How about some back-to-school monorhyme poetry? What's that? You don't know what monorhyme is? It's where the same rhyme scheme is on everything. That's right. Every single line rhymes with every single other line. It's way harder than you'd think. Check it out.

title courtesy of toothpaste for dinner

Random Wiki

Did you know there are some languages that don't distinguish between blue and green?

NSFW, But Amazing

My personal favorite is "It's a pressure valve. It won't open unless there's tremendous pressure." I know most of the audience wouldn't know what a pressure valve does. That's highly specialized knowledge. Google informs me this is from Poseidon, which would not surprise me at all.

PS: If you're ever angry, watch the more NSFW but equally hilarious video The 100 Greatest Movie Insults of All Time.

Where the hell is Riga?

Play this charming little game from Lufthansa about their destinations and you too can see how badly you fail at European geography. (I know what you're thinking. You're a lot worse than you think you are.)

News Flash! *blink*

Well, I have some bad news for the three* of you that read this blog. Tomorrow I start school, which means any posts after this one will be uncertain. I'll probably be able to get in a few here and there still, but don't plan your life around it or anything.

Want a bit of news to make this a bit better? I have come across an alternative name for the Hair Chorus: Mount Rushmore. Is that not amazing?

Also, every time it says 1 Comments down below a post I die a little inside. Not because there are so few comments, of course (I'm used to my blog's pathetic readership), but because it's so damn gramatically incorrect. So do a good deed, spare me the irritation, and comment some more. I'll respond this time!

*I know I'm being a bit optimistic here

(I also know this post title was groan-worthy, and I apologize sincerely)

Things That Make You Feel Like An Idiot

Hand pointers.

By that, I mean sticks with a little pointing hand on the end of them, used to illustrate things on PowerPoint slides and exciting things like that. (They're a little creepy, now that I think about it.)
Sure, while using them they're nifty, but what do you do with them when you're done?

I have had to hold one of these for someone before. The thing is, with a pointer like this, you are always pointing at something or someone, whether you wish to or not. When you see it's pointing at some random person's leg you'll feel like a creep and then aim it at a table. Then you're realize how stupid it must look to be obviously pointing at a table and will casually flick it up to point at the ceiling. Shortly after this it will occur to you how bizarre pointing at the ceiling must look, and, humiliated, you point it at the ground before realizing that's not much better. In a final moment of desperation, you'll point the finger at yourself, before realizing that now you just look like an egotistical bastard. And then you give up and set the pointer down, trying desperately to ignore whatever you are calling attention to now.

No, there is just nothing good you can do with a hand pointer that is not in use.

Random Polaroid

(source)

Geek Prayers

firefly: Time for my prayers:
firefly: Our Father, who 0wnz heaven, j00 r0ck!
firefly: May all 0ur base someday be belong to you!
firefly: May j00 0wn earth just like j00 0wn heaven.
firefly: Give us this day our warez, mp3z, and pr0n through a phat pipe.
firefly: And cut us some slack when we act like n00b lamerz, just as we teach n00bz when they act lame on us.
firefly: Please don't give us root access on some poor d00d'z box when we're too pissed off to think about what's right and wrong, and if you could keep the fbi off our backs, we'd appreciate it.
firefly: For j00 0wn r00t on all our b0x3s 4ever and ever, 4m3n.

-from the magical random button of QDB