6 hours ago
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Monday, August 08, 2011
DO YOU WANT MARRY ?
At long last... a new video breakdown!
You know, it's always good to start a music video with a dramatic scene, like a death, a fight, or shooting a TV.
80s videos love pretending the artists are playing the actual instrument instead of its synthesized equivalent. Sorry, dude, you aren't fooling anyone with your pipe organ there.
Is there some significance to the random shoelace on his hand?
So our broody artist is nonchalantly writing a song on his little keyboard while his girlfriend stares at him, because she has nothing better to do.
I don't care if she was supposed to make him knock over the glass. Broody Artist is an idiot for leaving the glass an inch from his hand on the edge of the table to begin with. However, luckily for him, the liquid as well as the lemon magically vanish before the glass smashes.
"Oh, honey, let me get that giant chunk of broken glass for you!" "I don't know if you should, baby- looks like you got a glob of ketchup on you somehow."
What the- is that, like, a school picture? Okay, this is officially creepy.
Broody Artist wants YOU! Seriously, pause it, he looks like Uncle Sam in his younger, druggier days.
Oh, he's just hallucinating again. No big deal.
Broody Artist has the exact same drink in the club as he did at home because Broody Artist knows what he likes. Broody Artist also knows he is far too cool for all this. After all, he wears pilgrim hats and studded belts and drinks pink cocktails.
Okay, that tear is nowhere near her eye. Whoever put it on with a dropper wasn't even trying.
Things I Learned From Eighties Music Videos: If your girlfriend is crying, shove her off the bed- she'll love it.
"Howdy, everyone! Man, the fog out there is awful! Hey, what's the problem? It's not my sweet studded belt, is it?"
Funny how Broody Artist is imploring the girl not to push him aside after shoving aside everyone in the room.
Oh, I see, she's getting married to someone else! Then why is everyone dancing? Is it the groovy presence of Broody Artist?
Dress Hits Floor!
What the fuck is this, the Cult of the Computer or something?
Wow, that guy she is marrying has sweet hair. For some reason he reminds me of a muskrat.
Broody Artist can't bear to look as he comes in from the all-encompassing white fog... again. This video has no continuity.
Please Enter Names and Insert Disk. Maybe they're just registering for their taxes in formal attire.
It's nice how he holds the Most Holy Floppy Disk up so the light can shine through it. Too bad the computer seems to be malfunctioning. (No, really. There is static on that screen. No continuity..)
Finally, Broody Artist can bear to look! Unfortunately, Muskrat Groom chooses this moment to assert his power... or something.
Look what you've done now, Broody Artist! That bizarre ribbon on your hand has made her weep from the area around her eye!
Do these people have a masochistic relationship? First she loves being shoved off the bed, and then he finds it unbearably sexy when she slaps him?
I guess it's supposed to show he really loves the chick that he lets her steal his hat (which he has never taken off at any other point in this video, not even in the bedroom scene). Or maybe he didn't let her steal it... damn, well, there goes that.
Now Broody Artist has got everyone at the ceremony to dance poorly to his song! Stop hijacking the wedding, bastard.
Oh, nice, chuck your shitty music at the couple. I'm sure they appreciate that.
Of course she happens to get the page with ONLY YOU in giant fucking letters on it.
Okay. Pause right here and soak in DO YOU WANT MARRY ?. This is the reason I decided to break down this godawful video. Apparently, in the future priests will be made obsolete by computers with atrocious grammar. I could ask the point of entering their names when it doesn't even display them, but I secretly hope that the final screen of this program would say "X AND Y WANT MARRY !" with the kind of animation at the end of Atari Adventure, so I'll keep it to myself.
Broody Artist has teleported to the plug! Hooray! So he rips it out and saves the day! Wait... actually, pulling the plug did nothing. What?
Instead of answering DO YOU WANT MARRY ?, the bride wisely decides to do the hokey pokey instead.
Forced to desperate measures, Broody Artist pulls a gun out of thin air! Things are about to get VIOLENT! The maker of the first first-person shooter may have been inspired by this video.
As not-so-subtly implied at the beginning of the video, he shoots DO YOU WANT MARRY ? and saves the day before vanishing into the Mysterious White Fog without even retrieving his song. Now there's a story for the ages.
You know, it's always good to start a music video with a dramatic scene, like a death, a fight, or shooting a TV.
80s videos love pretending the artists are playing the actual instrument instead of its synthesized equivalent. Sorry, dude, you aren't fooling anyone with your pipe organ there.
Is there some significance to the random shoelace on his hand?
So our broody artist is nonchalantly writing a song on his little keyboard while his girlfriend stares at him, because she has nothing better to do.
I don't care if she was supposed to make him knock over the glass. Broody Artist is an idiot for leaving the glass an inch from his hand on the edge of the table to begin with. However, luckily for him, the liquid as well as the lemon magically vanish before the glass smashes.
"Oh, honey, let me get that giant chunk of broken glass for you!" "I don't know if you should, baby- looks like you got a glob of ketchup on you somehow."
What the- is that, like, a school picture? Okay, this is officially creepy.
Broody Artist wants YOU! Seriously, pause it, he looks like Uncle Sam in his younger, druggier days.
Oh, he's just hallucinating again. No big deal.
Broody Artist has the exact same drink in the club as he did at home because Broody Artist knows what he likes. Broody Artist also knows he is far too cool for all this. After all, he wears pilgrim hats and studded belts and drinks pink cocktails.
Okay, that tear is nowhere near her eye. Whoever put it on with a dropper wasn't even trying.
Things I Learned From Eighties Music Videos: If your girlfriend is crying, shove her off the bed- she'll love it.
"Howdy, everyone! Man, the fog out there is awful! Hey, what's the problem? It's not my sweet studded belt, is it?"
Funny how Broody Artist is imploring the girl not to push him aside after shoving aside everyone in the room.
Oh, I see, she's getting married to someone else! Then why is everyone dancing? Is it the groovy presence of Broody Artist?
Dress Hits Floor!
What the fuck is this, the Cult of the Computer or something?
Wow, that guy she is marrying has sweet hair. For some reason he reminds me of a muskrat.
Broody Artist can't bear to look as he comes in from the all-encompassing white fog... again. This video has no continuity.
Please Enter Names and Insert Disk. Maybe they're just registering for their taxes in formal attire.
It's nice how he holds the Most Holy Floppy Disk up so the light can shine through it. Too bad the computer seems to be malfunctioning. (No, really. There is static on that screen. No continuity..)
Finally, Broody Artist can bear to look! Unfortunately, Muskrat Groom chooses this moment to assert his power... or something.
Look what you've done now, Broody Artist! That bizarre ribbon on your hand has made her weep from the area around her eye!
Do these people have a masochistic relationship? First she loves being shoved off the bed, and then he finds it unbearably sexy when she slaps him?
I guess it's supposed to show he really loves the chick that he lets her steal his hat (which he has never taken off at any other point in this video, not even in the bedroom scene). Or maybe he didn't let her steal it... damn, well, there goes that.
Now Broody Artist has got everyone at the ceremony to dance poorly to his song! Stop hijacking the wedding, bastard.
Oh, nice, chuck your shitty music at the couple. I'm sure they appreciate that.
Of course she happens to get the page with ONLY YOU in giant fucking letters on it.
Okay. Pause right here and soak in DO YOU WANT MARRY ?. This is the reason I decided to break down this godawful video. Apparently, in the future priests will be made obsolete by computers with atrocious grammar. I could ask the point of entering their names when it doesn't even display them, but I secretly hope that the final screen of this program would say "X AND Y WANT MARRY !" with the kind of animation at the end of Atari Adventure, so I'll keep it to myself.
Broody Artist has teleported to the plug! Hooray! So he rips it out and saves the day! Wait... actually, pulling the plug did nothing. What?
Instead of answering DO YOU WANT MARRY ?, the bride wisely decides to do the hokey pokey instead.
Forced to desperate measures, Broody Artist pulls a gun out of thin air! Things are about to get VIOLENT! The maker of the first first-person shooter may have been inspired by this video.
As not-so-subtly implied at the beginning of the video, he shoots DO YOU WANT MARRY ? and saves the day before vanishing into the Mysterious White Fog without even retrieving his song. Now there's a story for the ages.
Things To Do: Stop Stalking My Own Stats Page
At some point this week, someone was referred to my blog from a porn site...
I am so very confused.
I am so very confused.
Friday, August 05, 2011
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Late Fucking Friday Photo
Unfortunately, Flickr is not letting me embed this week's pick, so you'll just have to follow this link and see it for yourself. It's worth it, I promise.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Weird Song Wednesday!
Hanging on the Telephone- The Nerves
Yes, the Blondie version is a cover! I was amazed too.
Yes, the Blondie version is a cover! I was amazed too.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Read This Article IMMEDIATELY.
Just do it. Seriously, you won't regret it.
The article, called The War Between alt.tasteless and rec.pets.cats, is a hilarious glimpse into the origins of trolling. It is also a fascinating little time capsule from the golden age of newsgroups, when the power of the internet to bring together communities around common interests (and also communities united by freakiness) first emerged. It originally appeared in Wired magazine in 1994.
It's especially funny to see how worked up everyone got about what would today be a fairly mundane troll attack. I mean, the ISP even got involved. If something like that happened in a forum today, the incident would have likely been met with mass banning and a collective sigh of "don't feed the trolls."
The article, called The War Between alt.tasteless and rec.pets.cats, is a hilarious glimpse into the origins of trolling. It is also a fascinating little time capsule from the golden age of newsgroups, when the power of the internet to bring together communities around common interests (and also communities united by freakiness) first emerged. It originally appeared in Wired magazine in 1994.
It's especially funny to see how worked up everyone got about what would today be a fairly mundane troll attack. I mean, the ISP even got involved. If something like that happened in a forum today, the incident would have likely been met with mass banning and a collective sigh of "don't feed the trolls."
A Useless Update
I am now blogging from my itouch.
God, I feel so CURRENT!
I hope you all realize that this means I can wake up in the middle of the night and post now. Be afraid.
God, I feel so CURRENT!
I hope you all realize that this means I can wake up in the middle of the night and post now. Be afraid.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Friday, July 15, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Weird Song Wednesday
Nowhere Girl (1982 Maxi Single Version)- B-Movie
I wrote a story about this song once.
I wrote a story about this song once.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
How I Know The Internet Has Killed My Brain:
When I saw this, the first thing I thought was: "Oh man, they missed out on the perfect opportunity to put this to Yakkety Sax."
Yep. That's it. I'm officially insane.
Yep. That's it. I'm officially insane.
Belated Weird Song Wednesday
Cameo Lover (Live at Sing Sing Studios)- Kimbra
I would have posted the studio version of Cameo Lover, but this live session is seriously better.
I would have posted the studio version of Cameo Lover, but this live session is seriously better.
Your Reward for Surviving the Fourth
foobar: the FUNNIEST tech glitch ive ever heard of happened at my workplaceThis lovely story was provided by QDB.
foobar: ok.. so we run an internet storage service right? and one of our clients is a large photo site that allows people to upload pics and view them online
foobar: well.. our software had a little bug in it .. sometimes if a file is uploaded and not cached properly by the system, the system will deliver the same file for hundreds or thousands of different files
foobar: so what happened is someone uploaded some bestiality pictures, and those got caught in the cache, so everbody uploading their 4th of july pics got them ALL replaced by the same picture of a girl jerking off a horse
foobar: 50,000 times
Apology #123427
Sometimes I really wonder what the readers of this blog think of me, if I actually have readers, or even a reader. I wonder this because of how consistently awful I am about posting. I post in irregularly-timed bursts, between which there are long lulls, and I can only imagine how frustrating that must be for anyone reading. Recently I discovered a post scheduling feature that could get me out of this sad plight, but I can't even get together enough spare posts to use the fucking scheduler. With my new features, Weird Song Wednesday and the Fucking Friday Photo, I set the bar very low for myself, only requiring two posts a week. As per usual, I missed it anyway.
The point of this all is that I'm sorry I'm such a shitty blog author. I know I've said this a million times before, but I will try to be better. And I will force myself to use that post scheduler. I swear.Eventually. In the meantime, I'll console myself with the idea that maybe my nonexistent readers find my utter failure to follow a very lax schedule endearing, or at the very least amusing.
The point of this all is that I'm sorry I'm such a shitty blog author. I know I've said this a million times before, but I will try to be better. And I will force myself to use that post scheduler. I swear.
Monday, July 04, 2011
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