Weird Song Wednesday!

The Vans Song- The Suicide Machines

PS: Turn your volume way up around 2:24 for a surprise. You're welcome.

Belated Fucking Friday Photo

(source)

*slaps self across face*

For the love of God, did I seriously already forget a Fucking Friday Photo?

Yes, I fucking did.

For the sake of my own sanity, I'm going to blame the surgery I had on Thursday, but still. All I have are some stitches, nothing that incapacitates me enough that I can't post a photo. I am very sorry.

The good news is that I just discovered Blogger's post-scheduling function in the shmancy new post editor, so hopefully slip-ups like this will be far less frequent in the future. And, who knows? I may just be able to diddle with the scheduling so my usual sporadic bursts of updates look more like a steady stream of posts than they actually are!

Weird Song Wednesday!

Dear Dotti- Lunachicks

The First Fucking Friday Photo!

Edit 7/02/11:
So apparently flickr did not approve of my first Fucking Friday Photo. As of right now, it says the image is unavailable. I'll embed it again, but if it gets taken down again, hopefully this updated link will continue to work.

In Other News

I'm using the new post creator now! (Way to go Blogger, for hiding the upgrade in an obscure corner of the settings.) I can do so many exciting things now!

I can change my font! And change it again!And again! I can strike through things!  I can change the color of my writing and the area around it!   Wow, if I wanted to, I could make my blog doubly annoying by writing everything like that... but I won't. (Thank me.) I have an undo button now! I can add Posting Locations!

I CAN EVEN INSERT JUMP BREAKS!

The Avant Garden is like a boomerang....

...it always comes back when you least expect it!

Okay, maybe that's not like a boomerang. But anyway.

The important thing is that I'M BACK!!!

I'm sorry I didn't post much before now, but really, what was I thinking? The end of the school year is always the craziest. Also, by now my imaginary readers are very used to disappointment. That just comes with the randomness, baby! You know, the updates at random times. I completely do that on purpose.

However, for the summer at least, a little of that randomness is about to go away. I am hereby introducing two new Regular Features on this blog: Weird Song Wednesday and Fucking Friday Photo. Weird Song Wednesday is an attempt to incorporate my very, um, eclectic musical taste into my posting schedule. The Fucking Friday Photo is just to make my sporadic Random Photos into a regular thing. Don't worry, though, Random Photos will continue, particularly if I have some kind of commentary on them: the Fucking Friday Photo is only a picture.

So there you have it! Exciting happenings on the blog. Everyone who isn't reading this should be totally jealous.

PS- This is my 200th post on this blog. Time for a vote- am I more pathetic because I've posted 200 times on this pointless blog, or because it took me almost six years to get there? 

Hot damn, I've seriously had this blog six years?

It's Time To Play...

When The Hell Would You Use This Clipart?

Guess What?

I am posting from my math class! Cool, huh?

We're making a graph of trout populations. Seriously. I'm not missing out on much.

Hey Mom, You're A Mammal.

So, did anyone here ever watch Bill Nye the Science Guy? If you did, you remember they did these weird little parodies of songs about what he was teaching on that episode. They selected some odd songs to cover, including Let's Talk About Sex, but when I saw "Jennifer's A Mammal" I just had to go find it myself. It's every bit as weird as I thought it would be.


Mammals also drink Pepsi.

Soo-- happy Mother's Day from the Avant Garden.

Hello, Cruel World!

Summer is approaching! The Avant Garden is soon to resurrect! We so excited!

Provided I do not lose the will do do anything at all (which wouldn't be a first), postings of useless crap should continue irregularly from now until when my classes end.

Also, for those of you keeping track of how much of a winner I am:

Wikipedia Flotsam

One of Banacek's verbal signatures was the quotation of strangely worded yet curiously cogent "Polish" proverbs such as: "If you're not sure that it's potato borscht, there could be children working in the mines"; "Though the hippopotamus has no sting, the wise man would prefer to be sat upon by the bee"; "A wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn"; "If a wolf is after your sleigh - throw him a raisin cookie, but don't stop to bake him a cake"; and "Just because the cat has her kittens in the oven doesn't make them biscuits."

-from the article on Banacek, a 70s detective TV show set in Boston

The Holy Grail of Band Names

I have found the best source for band names ever, I think. It is this Wikipedia article. Seriously. Crayola has some unsung geniuses working for them, I think. Allow me to present you with some epic band names for your consideration in your rock star fantasies, and the kind of band I happen to think they'd fit.

Alien Armpit- That teenage garage band next door that plays loudly all day long during the summer.
Atomic Tangerine- The best fucking band in the WORLD.
AuroMetalSaurus- This has to be the best name for a techno/industrial band I have ever heard in the history of ever.
Banana Mania- Poppy little band that wishes it was still the eighties.
Big Dip O' Ruby- A band no one in their right mind would ever listen to.
Bittersweet Shimmer- A spacey dream pop band with unintelligible lyrics that may or may not be in Finnish. Uses fog machines heavily at their concerts.
Black Shadows- A metal band that might be Christian, or might be Satanists. No one can tell.
Brink Pink- This band is very catchy and was a critical darling until college radio played their big single to death.
Cool And Crazy- One of those annoying one-man acts who gave himself a band name anyway. Huge on YouTube.
Cyber Grape- The next big 8-bit dance music sensation.
Deep Space Sparkle- Legendary, enigmatic indie band that seemingly evaporates between albums, coalesces occasionally for jam-packed shows in NYC.
Electric Lime- Frequently atonal solo project of the singer of Laser Lemon.
Fuzzy Wuzzy- An experimental, highly artsy band that deeply resents anyone who dares to confuse them with Warm And Fuzzy. (Also, this is a weird shade of red-brown. What the hell, Crayola?)
Ghoulish Graham Cracker- A band that consists entirely of total nerds. Writes pretty cool songs, but gained most of their fan base from a painfully awkward, hilarious interview with a music magazine.
Illuminating Emerald- A dramatic band that people who try to look dark, goth, poetic, or otherwise disturbed listen to.
Jazzberry Jam- A free-form prog-rock jam band with a vibraphone player.
Key Lime Pearl- If it wasn't for Pandora, no one would know this band existed. First album: Cultured Pie.
Laser Lemon- A British synthpop duo that frequently tours with Atomic Tangerine.
Magic Mint- A rising stoner rock band that always plays dressed in green tracksuits.
Mauvelous- The kind of bizarre band hipsters live for. May actually suck, but no one wants to say it.
Mixed Veggies- Despite being one of the most disgusting, vomit-like color combos Crayola ever made, this would make a pretty sweet name for a band with a good sense of humor.
Neon Carrot- A ska band, unusual for their use of synthesizers and their lyrics, which typically deal with how much they hate various subcultures. Alternatively, a Pavement cover band.
Radical Red- A wannabe punk band that is trying a little too hard to be, um, radical.
Razzmatazz- A pop punk band with ridiculously over-the-top stage costumes. Alternatively, a Pulp cover band.
Robin's Egg Blue- A girl with a piano and a drummer who writes songs that are ethereally pretty as long as no one bothers to look up the lyrics...
Rotten Tooth Fairy- An angry, not particularly intelligent but greatly amusing all-girl punk band.
Screamin' Green- One insane guy with a drumset who is astoundingly well-liked by the music critics. Alternatively, a Screaming Trees cover band.
Smashed Pumpkin- Do I even need to say it? I have to give a nod to the folks over at Crayola for throwing this band reference most kids would never understand into their scented crayons.
Spiro Disco Ball- An indie band from Florida whose most popular songs make fun of TV shows.
Spring Frost- A very pretty acoustic folky act. Currently recording their next album in a shack north of the Arctic circle in Alaska.
Stonewashed- These poor guys never got the memo that Nickelback isn't cool anymore.
Sunburnt Cyclops- Indie rock outfit famed for their completely impenetrable lyrics, which some people think are deeply profound.
Sunglow- Surf rock revival. Their drummer is in five other bands, so they go on hiatus a lot.
Unmellow Yellow- A grungy band that's been around for years but still hasn't been "discovered."
Warm And Fuzzy- A hardcore thrash metal band that sacrifices stuffed animals at their concerts.
Wild Blue Yonder- A band that can't decide whether they should avoid country-like songs or not. The confusion is getting the better of them. A fan campaign to keep them from breaking up is in full force.
Wintergreen Dream- An obscure little band that writes absurdly happy songs and claps a lot.
Zombie Laundry- Everyone cool agrees this is the best band ever, even if you can only get their songs from MySpace.

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Now playing: Dogs Die In Hot Cars - I Love You 'Cause I Have To
via FoxyTunes

QUALITY CAR CHASE

Watch this. Just watch it. I don't even need to break it down; the commenters already did that for me. You'll need to watch it a few times through to catch all the notes, but it is SO worth it. There are not many things that have actually made me cry laughing. This is one of them. Presenting: Indestructible Magical Quality Van, Annotated.

Fast Knitting.

And now, an actual quote from Wikipedia.

Confetti is commonly used at social gatherings such as parties, weddings, and Bar Mitzvahs, but is considered taboo at funerals.

-from the Wikipedia article on confetti, which seems to have been flagged for cleanup for almost two years. Hopefully nobody ever thinks to take out this glorious line.

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Now playing: Pixies - Velouria
via FoxyTunes

Oh, Jarvis.

Huge props to L for giving this to me. This is a gif from the video for Common People by Pulp, which is rife with awkward dancing like this. It makes me really happy. I should probably go to bed... naaaah.

There will be another video breakdown, by the way, hopefully soon. There are just so many great possibilities out there... people make so many crappy videos.

Memes from Other Countries

...are actually really awesome.

Take Makmende, for example. His name is from a corruption of "make my day," as in "go ahead, make my day." He is the Kenyan Chuck Norris. (I'm serious- according to the infallible Wikipedia, "only Makmende could do or attempt to do the impossible.") He can appear anywhere, and he will fuck your shit up.


You will want to make this full-screen.

I have to admit, this is more badass than any English-speaking meme I've seen yet. Apparently "Makmende Amerudi!" is Swahili for "Makmende is Back!"

Also, "I feel really, like, engaged in this active process." Now, is this Engrish or the worst pick-up line ever? I don't know, but I find it really funny. This is probably because of the time. I also love how whenever he takes off his sunglasses, you know that shit's serious.

Say it with me now: Buuuurn.

His speeches leave the impression of an army of pompous phrases moving over the landscape in search of an idea. Sometimes these meandering words would actually capture a struggling thought and bear it triumphantly a prisoner in their midst, until it died of servitude and overwork.
–William McAdoo, on William G. Harding

It's like a perpetual motion machine...

You know you want to put this on repeat and stare at it for hours.