13 hours ago
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Guess What?
I am posting from my math class! Cool, huh?
We're making a graph of trout populations. Seriously. I'm not missing out on much.
We're making a graph of trout populations. Seriously. I'm not missing out on much.
Sunday, May 08, 2011
Hey Mom, You're A Mammal.
So, did anyone here ever watch Bill Nye the Science Guy? If you did, you remember they did these weird little parodies of songs about what he was teaching on that episode. They selected some odd songs to cover, including Let's Talk About Sex, but when I saw "Jennifer's A Mammal" I just had to go find it myself. It's every bit as weird as I thought it would be.
Mammals also drink Pepsi.
Soo-- happy Mother's Day from the Avant Garden.
Mammals also drink Pepsi.
Soo-- happy Mother's Day from the Avant Garden.
Hello, Cruel World!
Summer is approaching! The Avant Garden is soon to resurrect! We so excited!
Provided I do not lose the will do do anything at all (which wouldn't be a first), postings of useless crap should continue irregularly from now until when my classes end.
Also, for those of you keeping track of how much of a winner I am:
Provided I do not lose the will do do anything at all (which wouldn't be a first), postings of useless crap should continue irregularly from now until when my classes end.
Also, for those of you keeping track of how much of a winner I am:
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Wikipedia Flotsam
One of Banacek's verbal signatures was the quotation of strangely worded yet curiously cogent "Polish" proverbs such as: "If you're not sure that it's potato borscht, there could be children working in the mines"; "Though the hippopotamus has no sting, the wise man would prefer to be sat upon by the bee"; "A wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn"; "If a wolf is after your sleigh - throw him a raisin cookie, but don't stop to bake him a cake"; and "Just because the cat has her kittens in the oven doesn't make them biscuits."-from the article on Banacek, a 70s detective TV show set in Boston
Sunday, February 06, 2011
The Holy Grail of Band Names
I have found the best source for band names ever, I think. It is this Wikipedia article. Seriously. Crayola has some unsung geniuses working for them, I think. Allow me to present you with some epic band names for your consideration in your rock star fantasies, and the kind of band I happen to think they'd fit.
Alien Armpit- That teenage garage band next door that plays loudly all day long during the summer.
Atomic Tangerine- The best fucking band in the WORLD.
AuroMetalSaurus- This has to be the best name for a techno/industrial band I have ever heard in the history of ever.
Banana Mania- Poppy little band that wishes it was still the eighties.
Big Dip O' Ruby- A band no one in their right mind would ever listen to.
Bittersweet Shimmer- A spacey dream pop band with unintelligible lyrics that may or may not be in Finnish. Uses fog machines heavily at their concerts.
Black Shadows- A metal band that might be Christian, or might be Satanists. No one can tell.
Brink Pink- This band is very catchy and was a critical darling until college radio played their big single to death.
Cool And Crazy- One of those annoying one-man acts who gave himself a band name anyway. Huge on YouTube.
Cyber Grape- The next big 8-bit dance music sensation.
Deep Space Sparkle- Legendary, enigmatic indie band that seemingly evaporates between albums, coalesces occasionally for jam-packed shows in NYC.
Electric Lime- Frequently atonal solo project of the singer of Laser Lemon.
Fuzzy Wuzzy- An experimental, highly artsy band that deeply resents anyone who dares to confuse them with Warm And Fuzzy. (Also, this is a weird shade of red-brown. What the hell, Crayola?)
Ghoulish Graham Cracker- A band that consists entirely of total nerds. Writes pretty cool songs, but gained most of their fan base from a painfully awkward, hilarious interview with a music magazine.
Illuminating Emerald- A dramatic band that people who try to look dark, goth, poetic, or otherwise disturbed listen to.
Jazzberry Jam- A free-form prog-rock jam band with a vibraphone player.
Key Lime Pearl- If it wasn't for Pandora, no one would know this band existed. First album: Cultured Pie.
Laser Lemon- A British synthpop duo that frequently tours with Atomic Tangerine.
Magic Mint- A rising stoner rock band that always plays dressed in green tracksuits.
Mauvelous- The kind of bizarre band hipsters live for. May actually suck, but no one wants to say it.
Mixed Veggies- Despite being one of the most disgusting, vomit-like color combos Crayola ever made, this would make a pretty sweet name for a band with a good sense of humor.
Neon Carrot- A ska band, unusual for their use of synthesizers and their lyrics, which typically deal with how much they hate various subcultures. Alternatively, a Pavement cover band.
Radical Red- A wannabe punk band that is trying a little too hard to be, um, radical.
Razzmatazz- A pop punk band with ridiculously over-the-top stage costumes. Alternatively, a Pulp cover band.
Robin's Egg Blue- A girl with a piano and a drummer who writes songs that are ethereally pretty as long as no one bothers to look up the lyrics...
Rotten Tooth Fairy- An angry, not particularly intelligent but greatly amusing all-girl punk band.
Screamin' Green- One insane guy with a drumset who is astoundingly well-liked by the music critics. Alternatively, a Screaming Trees cover band.
Smashed Pumpkin- Do I even need to say it? I have to give a nod to the folks over at Crayola for throwing this band reference most kids would never understand into their scented crayons.
Spiro Disco Ball- An indie band from Florida whose most popular songs make fun of TV shows.
Spring Frost- A very pretty acoustic folky act. Currently recording their next album in a shack north of the Arctic circle in Alaska.
Stonewashed- These poor guys never got the memo that Nickelback isn't cool anymore.
Sunburnt Cyclops- Indie rock outfit famed for their completely impenetrable lyrics, which some people think are deeply profound.
Sunglow- Surf rock revival. Their drummer is in five other bands, so they go on hiatus a lot.
Unmellow Yellow- A grungy band that's been around for years but still hasn't been "discovered."
Warm And Fuzzy- A hardcore thrash metal band that sacrifices stuffed animals at their concerts.
Wild Blue Yonder- A band that can't decide whether they should avoid country-like songs or not. The confusion is getting the better of them. A fan campaign to keep them from breaking up is in full force.
Wintergreen Dream- An obscure little band that writes absurdly happy songs and claps a lot.
Zombie Laundry- Everyone cool agrees this is the best band ever, even if you can only get their songs from MySpace.
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Now playing: Dogs Die In Hot Cars - I Love You 'Cause I Have To
via FoxyTunes
Alien Armpit- That teenage garage band next door that plays loudly all day long during the summer.
Atomic Tangerine- The best fucking band in the WORLD.
AuroMetalSaurus- This has to be the best name for a techno/industrial band I have ever heard in the history of ever.
Banana Mania- Poppy little band that wishes it was still the eighties.
Big Dip O' Ruby- A band no one in their right mind would ever listen to.
Bittersweet Shimmer- A spacey dream pop band with unintelligible lyrics that may or may not be in Finnish. Uses fog machines heavily at their concerts.
Black Shadows- A metal band that might be Christian, or might be Satanists. No one can tell.
Brink Pink- This band is very catchy and was a critical darling until college radio played their big single to death.
Cool And Crazy- One of those annoying one-man acts who gave himself a band name anyway. Huge on YouTube.
Cyber Grape- The next big 8-bit dance music sensation.
Deep Space Sparkle- Legendary, enigmatic indie band that seemingly evaporates between albums, coalesces occasionally for jam-packed shows in NYC.
Electric Lime- Frequently atonal solo project of the singer of Laser Lemon.
Fuzzy Wuzzy- An experimental, highly artsy band that deeply resents anyone who dares to confuse them with Warm And Fuzzy. (Also, this is a weird shade of red-brown. What the hell, Crayola?)
Ghoulish Graham Cracker- A band that consists entirely of total nerds. Writes pretty cool songs, but gained most of their fan base from a painfully awkward, hilarious interview with a music magazine.
Illuminating Emerald- A dramatic band that people who try to look dark, goth, poetic, or otherwise disturbed listen to.
Jazzberry Jam- A free-form prog-rock jam band with a vibraphone player.
Key Lime Pearl- If it wasn't for Pandora, no one would know this band existed. First album: Cultured Pie.
Laser Lemon- A British synthpop duo that frequently tours with Atomic Tangerine.
Magic Mint- A rising stoner rock band that always plays dressed in green tracksuits.
Mauvelous- The kind of bizarre band hipsters live for. May actually suck, but no one wants to say it.
Mixed Veggies- Despite being one of the most disgusting, vomit-like color combos Crayola ever made, this would make a pretty sweet name for a band with a good sense of humor.
Neon Carrot- A ska band, unusual for their use of synthesizers and their lyrics, which typically deal with how much they hate various subcultures. Alternatively, a Pavement cover band.
Radical Red- A wannabe punk band that is trying a little too hard to be, um, radical.
Razzmatazz- A pop punk band with ridiculously over-the-top stage costumes. Alternatively, a Pulp cover band.
Robin's Egg Blue- A girl with a piano and a drummer who writes songs that are ethereally pretty as long as no one bothers to look up the lyrics...
Rotten Tooth Fairy- An angry, not particularly intelligent but greatly amusing all-girl punk band.
Screamin' Green- One insane guy with a drumset who is astoundingly well-liked by the music critics. Alternatively, a Screaming Trees cover band.
Smashed Pumpkin- Do I even need to say it? I have to give a nod to the folks over at Crayola for throwing this band reference most kids would never understand into their scented crayons.
Spiro Disco Ball- An indie band from Florida whose most popular songs make fun of TV shows.
Spring Frost- A very pretty acoustic folky act. Currently recording their next album in a shack north of the Arctic circle in Alaska.
Stonewashed- These poor guys never got the memo that Nickelback isn't cool anymore.
Sunburnt Cyclops- Indie rock outfit famed for their completely impenetrable lyrics, which some people think are deeply profound.
Sunglow- Surf rock revival. Their drummer is in five other bands, so they go on hiatus a lot.
Unmellow Yellow- A grungy band that's been around for years but still hasn't been "discovered."
Warm And Fuzzy- A hardcore thrash metal band that sacrifices stuffed animals at their concerts.
Wild Blue Yonder- A band that can't decide whether they should avoid country-like songs or not. The confusion is getting the better of them. A fan campaign to keep them from breaking up is in full force.
Wintergreen Dream- An obscure little band that writes absurdly happy songs and claps a lot.
Zombie Laundry- Everyone cool agrees this is the best band ever, even if you can only get their songs from MySpace.
----------------
Now playing: Dogs Die In Hot Cars - I Love You 'Cause I Have To
via FoxyTunes
QUALITY CAR CHASE
Watch this. Just watch it. I don't even need to break it down; the commenters already did that for me. You'll need to watch it a few times through to catch all the notes, but it is SO worth it. There are not many things that have actually made me cry laughing. This is one of them. Presenting: Indestructible Magical Quality Van, Annotated.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
And now, an actual quote from Wikipedia.
Confetti is commonly used at social gatherings such as parties, weddings, and Bar Mitzvahs, but is considered taboo at funerals.-from the Wikipedia article on confetti, which seems to have been flagged for cleanup for almost two years. Hopefully nobody ever thinks to take out this glorious line.
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Now playing: Pixies - Velouria
via FoxyTunes
Sunday, January 09, 2011
Oh, Jarvis.
Huge props to L for giving this to me. This is a gif from the video for Common People by Pulp, which is rife with awkward dancing like this. It makes me really happy. I should probably go to bed... naaaah.There will be another video breakdown, by the way, hopefully soon. There are just so many great possibilities out there... people make so many crappy videos.
Memes from Other Countries
...are actually really awesome.
Take Makmende, for example. His name is from a corruption of "make my day," as in "go ahead, make my day." He is the Kenyan Chuck Norris. (I'm serious- according to the infallible Wikipedia, "only Makmende could do or attempt to do the impossible.") He can appear anywhere, and he will fuck your shit up.
You will want to make this full-screen.
I have to admit, this is more badass than any English-speaking meme I've seen yet. Apparently "Makmende Amerudi!" is Swahili for "Makmende is Back!"
Also, "I feel really, like, engaged in this active process." Now, is this Engrish or the worst pick-up line ever? I don't know, but I find it really funny. This is probably because of the time. I also love how whenever he takes off his sunglasses, you know that shit's serious.
Take Makmende, for example. His name is from a corruption of "make my day," as in "go ahead, make my day." He is the Kenyan Chuck Norris. (I'm serious- according to the infallible Wikipedia, "only Makmende could do or attempt to do the impossible.") He can appear anywhere, and he will fuck your shit up.
You will want to make this full-screen.
I have to admit, this is more badass than any English-speaking meme I've seen yet. Apparently "Makmende Amerudi!" is Swahili for "Makmende is Back!"
Also, "I feel really, like, engaged in this active process." Now, is this Engrish or the worst pick-up line ever? I don't know, but I find it really funny. This is probably because of the time. I also love how whenever he takes off his sunglasses, you know that shit's serious.
Say it with me now: Buuuurn.
His speeches leave the impression of an army of pompous phrases moving over the landscape in search of an idea. Sometimes these meandering words would actually capture a struggling thought and bear it triumphantly a prisoner in their midst, until it died of servitude and overwork.
–William McAdoo, on William G. Harding
Sunday, January 02, 2011
It's like a perpetual motion machine...
You know you want to put this on repeat and stare at it for hours.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Merry Christmas!!!
Sorry it's a little late. Happy Festivus, too! And Happy Hannukah to our Jewish friends. I'm sure it'd be terribly un-PC of me to admit that I don't actually know anyone who celebrates Kwanzaa, but Happy Kwanzaa anyway! (People who celebrate it must exist somewhere... right?)
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Things I Want For Christmas:
A Fresnel lens.
Just read the link. Why would I want anything else?
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Now playing: Old 97's - Timebomb
via FoxyTunes
Just read the link. Why would I want anything else?
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Now playing: Old 97's - Timebomb
via FoxyTunes
Sunday, November 28, 2010
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
This is where I've been the past month. hahahaha WOOHOO!
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Now playing: Sleater-Kinney - Dig Me Out
via FoxyTunes
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Random Link!
"Like the tone of a spoken voice, the characteristics of a typeface convey meaning. The design of the typeface is, in itself, its voice. Often this voice speaks louder than the text itself. Thus when designing a 'Do Not Enter' sign the use of a heavy-stroked, attention-commanding font such as Impact or Arial Black is appropriate. Typesetting such a message in Comic Sans would be ludicrous. Though this is sort of misuse is frequent, it is unjustified. Clearly, Comic Sans as a voice conveys silliness, childish naivete, irreverence, and is far too casual for such a purpose. It is analogous to showing up for a black tie event in a clown costume." (source)Seen Comic Sans before? I'm sure you have, whether you know it or not. It's possibly one of the most misused (and overused) fonts in the world. Ban Comic Sans is a website entirely devoted to ending the Comic Sans pandemic.
WOO SPINNY
Question: Has a video ever been banned from MTV for something other than being offensive/graphic?
Answer: Yes.
"The promotional video made for this was banned by MTV after being played on 120 Minutes due to its nature, in which the camera zooms in and spins so fast around the band, who are playing in a subway with a harmonica player, that it would induce dizziness within the viewer."
-Wikipedia article on Rattled by the Rush, a single by Pavement
Answer: Yes.
"The promotional video made for this was banned by MTV after being played on 120 Minutes due to its nature, in which the camera zooms in and spins so fast around the band, who are playing in a subway with a harmonica player, that it would induce dizziness within the viewer."
-Wikipedia article on Rattled by the Rush, a single by Pavement
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Da Da Da!
This video can be explained, somewhat. But first, just revel in the sheer crappy glory of this video.
And the sun rises in crappy CGI-land. Meanwhile, two meteors, a jet stream, and a ball of interstellar crap approach the earth, promising certain doom...
Or just a drunkenly dancing fire guy, an overeager water guy, a super happy... uh... dust guy, and a rather unenthusiastic... not even trying to identify this one.
Fire Guy is amused by Dust Guy's pointing.
What the hell is Fire Guy doing with his fingers...
Oh wow, Water Guy is totally rocking out.
I love that dancing right there. So awkward. So jerky.
WTF Guy is raisin' da roof.
That's a great idea, Fire Guy. I want to kill this video with fire too.
There is absolutely nothing I can say to make this dance more hilarious than it is. It feels appropriate that it appears to be Fire Guy's creation.
And now we have a fatal-looking ball of... um... colors, which symbolizes... um... I'm going to go with Daler Mehndi's love for the green screen.
I love the sketchy way Fire Guy just appears and puts an arm on Dust Guy's shoulder.
Oh my, look what Water Guy is doing with his hands. I shall dub it the Indian awkward turtle.
Fire Guy is amused once again.
Oh no, this time our favorite Magical Indian Wonder Twins are doing a variation on Dust Guy's favorite pointing dance, rather poorly synced.
I TAKE THAT BACK FROM EARLIER. I LOVE THIS DANCING MORE. Now THAT is Fiddler on the Roof worthy. I am totally busting that out the next time I am on a dance floor.
What the hell is it with Dust Guy and pointing?
And now the Wonder Twins convene enthusiastically in front of a fancy castle. Look at how Dust Guy is kind of bouncing. I'm also very worried that Fire Guy seemed to gesture to something under his velvet robe.
Be careful with that, Water Guy, you might hurt yourself.
I like these individual close-up shots. Oh, that last dance is a new one. Once again, Dust Guy does not disappoint.
Oh no, now Fire Guy is depressed! Luckily for him, his Magical Wonder Twins are determined to cheer him up. I mean, look how perky they all are. He seems unconvinced, but finally relents to their Magical Blinding Wonder Twin Secret Handshake, which restores things to order, as they do their stupid dance in sync once more.
Um, what is going on here, their dancing reminds me of seaweed. That is generally a bad thing to compare someone's dancing to.
It would appear WTF Guy has the power to make... uh... earth waves by banging on stone! I wonder what happens when he falls?
He can open bottomless abysses when he does so, too. This guy had better never trip on his crushed-velvet robe. The others disapprove of the bottomless abyss.
And things return to normal- that is, as normal as That Dancing could ever be.
Sadly, now it is time for the Magical Indian Wonder Twins to return to Magical India-WonderTwinLand. Fire Guy burns up, Water Guy... uh... gets all swirly and disappears, Dirt Guy is beamed up, and finally WTF guy explodes, becoming... okay, I give up.
There. Wasn't that a nice visit? Now I can explain this video. Have no fear, it only makes this more hilarious. This video is by one guy, an Indian pop star named Daler Mehndi, in 1998. It was the first Indian video to use a green screen, which made it wildly popular. So yes, as you secretly suspected, that video is seriously just one guy with a green screen. To add one final level of hilarity? Supposedly, Mehndi made the video in response to critics who claimed he was only popular because of the dancing models featured in his other videos.
And the sun rises in crappy CGI-land. Meanwhile, two meteors, a jet stream, and a ball of interstellar crap approach the earth, promising certain doom...
Or just a drunkenly dancing fire guy, an overeager water guy, a super happy... uh... dust guy, and a rather unenthusiastic... not even trying to identify this one.
Fire Guy is amused by Dust Guy's pointing.
What the hell is Fire Guy doing with his fingers...
Oh wow, Water Guy is totally rocking out.
I love that dancing right there. So awkward. So jerky.
WTF Guy is raisin' da roof.
That's a great idea, Fire Guy. I want to kill this video with fire too.
There is absolutely nothing I can say to make this dance more hilarious than it is. It feels appropriate that it appears to be Fire Guy's creation.
And now we have a fatal-looking ball of... um... colors, which symbolizes... um... I'm going to go with Daler Mehndi's love for the green screen.
I love the sketchy way Fire Guy just appears and puts an arm on Dust Guy's shoulder.
Oh my, look what Water Guy is doing with his hands. I shall dub it the Indian awkward turtle.
Fire Guy is amused once again.
Oh no, this time our favorite Magical Indian Wonder Twins are doing a variation on Dust Guy's favorite pointing dance, rather poorly synced.
I TAKE THAT BACK FROM EARLIER. I LOVE THIS DANCING MORE. Now THAT is Fiddler on the Roof worthy. I am totally busting that out the next time I am on a dance floor.
What the hell is it with Dust Guy and pointing?
And now the Wonder Twins convene enthusiastically in front of a fancy castle. Look at how Dust Guy is kind of bouncing. I'm also very worried that Fire Guy seemed to gesture to something under his velvet robe.
Be careful with that, Water Guy, you might hurt yourself.
I like these individual close-up shots. Oh, that last dance is a new one. Once again, Dust Guy does not disappoint.
Oh no, now Fire Guy is depressed! Luckily for him, his Magical Wonder Twins are determined to cheer him up. I mean, look how perky they all are. He seems unconvinced, but finally relents to their Magical Blinding Wonder Twin Secret Handshake, which restores things to order, as they do their stupid dance in sync once more.
Um, what is going on here, their dancing reminds me of seaweed. That is generally a bad thing to compare someone's dancing to.
It would appear WTF Guy has the power to make... uh... earth waves by banging on stone! I wonder what happens when he falls?
He can open bottomless abysses when he does so, too. This guy had better never trip on his crushed-velvet robe. The others disapprove of the bottomless abyss.
And things return to normal- that is, as normal as That Dancing could ever be.
Sadly, now it is time for the Magical Indian Wonder Twins to return to Magical India-WonderTwinLand. Fire Guy burns up, Water Guy... uh... gets all swirly and disappears, Dirt Guy is beamed up, and finally WTF guy explodes, becoming... okay, I give up.
There. Wasn't that a nice visit? Now I can explain this video. Have no fear, it only makes this more hilarious. This video is by one guy, an Indian pop star named Daler Mehndi, in 1998. It was the first Indian video to use a green screen, which made it wildly popular. So yes, as you secretly suspected, that video is seriously just one guy with a green screen. To add one final level of hilarity? Supposedly, Mehndi made the video in response to critics who claimed he was only popular because of the dancing models featured in his other videos.
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